Single parents and dating.

Usually when people get married, they imagine that they will be married forever until one of them finds out that they have married a lying, cheating, low life that should actually be in prison but you are already married so what do you do?  Just sacrifice yourself by going along with it and stay because you have children?  This is the case for a lot of women.  They just stay because they want their children to have an intact family.  A little unsolicited advice.  The best thing you can do for your children is to not let them see anyone disrespecting you and treating you like a doormat.  It all goes back to another blog post I did about how daughters pick a husband.  If they see things happening to you, when they marry, they will think it is okay, it must be okay because that is how my mom was treated.  Do not let your children believe this.

So now you are single or almost single and you think you are ready to being dating (unless of course you were already dating and having a relationship with someone else while you were still married) how do you go about dating and when do you introduce your kids to your new "friend?"  For me personally, I would never, ever date a person and then just show up with him to meet my kids.  NO WAYYYY!!!!!  There could be 10 more around the corner.  You cannot just keep introducing your kids to random people that you find here and there.  The kids have to be prepared for it especially if just say for example, their parents are still married and one of the parents decided to move in with their "friend and their kids" and decide okay lets go meet my friend and their kids and hangout.  WHAT?  You have to handle this situation delicately, honestly, and you must be sensitive to the timing.  Of course you kids are not going to respond well to that, you are, after all still married to their other parent and even after a divorce is final, most kids have a fantasy that their parents will ultimately reunite and they may even resent your new "friend."  Also, when you throw in more kids to the mix, it just adds more confusion.  Kids will start an internal dialogue with themselves trying to figure out why their parent would choice to leave and go live with another family.  This can be very damaging especially if the scenario is between a father and daughters and for the most part, they have only seen you interacting with their other parent, and they might not be able to deal with it so easily.   Another thing to point out is for the first meeting, you should never go to the home of the new person where everything is familiar to them but not your child.  You have to create an informal atmosphere for the introduction.

Your kids could also blame the "friend" they are meeting for breaking up their family and may not be too receptive to any new people at all.  You also need to limit physical contact with this new "friend" in front of your kids.  Communication is key!  You have to know how your kids feel about it and you should never rush this type of situation.

I found several websites that suggested waiting until you feel that you are going to be with this new "friend" long term before you introduce anyone.  I personally would never put my children in a position that makes them feel uncomfortable.  Why would I do that?  I love my children and want the best for them.  Everything has to be taken in stride.  When you start dating again after a marriage, it is unlikely that you stay with the first person you get involved with for very long so pick your introductions carefully and in a sensitive timely fashion.

Links:
single parents
love links plus.com

****Disclaimer:  This article has no resemblance to real people, living or dead, and is entirely coincidental.