So burnt out...........

Massive shout out to......

the single dads who actually go the extra mile for their kids.  There is a growing trend towards shared custody of kids these days where the parents have the kids equal amounts of time, i.e.-one week with mom, one week with dad, one week with mom, one week with dad; well I guess you get the idea.

We have several dads in our complex who pick their kids up on Friday of one week and drop them back off on Sunday of the next.  It is great to see this happening.  This was not really an option for my kids because, well I will just say it was due instability on the part of their other parent but I mean I am not complaining.  It worked out the way it is supposed to.  Some people really should not be parents.  

So way to go single dads taking their kids to the pool, ice skating, for walks, and for striving to keep some normalcy in the wake of a divorce.

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Another first...........

Not really a brag, just proud.  The girls got their first paychecks ever in the mail today.  This is for their work on the film A Question of Faith.  They were both so excited, even though it is not a very large amount.  They did their jobs and got paid for it.  That is a good thing, a very good thing.  I have tried to spell out clearly over the last few years how important it is for them to make their own money.  I told them to always make their own money and not depend on a husband or a mother later on in life.  They both noticed right away that they were told they were getting one amount and the check was for another amount.  The good old government already took their cut of their money.  What a stink!  Congrats girls on your first paycheck!  Hope there will be many more.  Remember to thank me when you win your Academy award!!!! 

A few tips for a noncustodial parent from a full custody custodial parent....

I know, this is different but as time goes by, I have come to recognize that not all noncustodial parents, usually the dads, are actually deadbeats.

For example, in the apartment complex that we live in, we have made friends with several noncustodial dads and their kiddos.

These dads provide their kids with their own rooms, they have their own personal belongings in the rooms, and they have all kinds of things that would make them feel at home with the parent that do not live with full-time.
These dads are outside hanging out with their kids, taking them places, and doing all sorts of fun activities while their kids visit.

These tips are based on what I have observed and sources very close to home.

1. Do not do the same.exact.thing.every.single.time. your kiddos come for a visit.  Yawn!  That just is no fun at all!
2. Actually show up.  That sounds easy enough.
3. Do not talk about their full-time, hard-working mother.  After all, she is the one that is taking care of them and providing for them without being forced to do so by the court system.  She is there because she loves them.  She is their ROCK!  Don't talk about the ROCK!
4. Do not use them as a line of communication to their mother.  This is a big one, for example, do not text them at 1 a.m. and try to arrange a meeting so that you can drop off a check.  This is so shady and slightly frightening.
5. Do not play favorites, self-explanatory.
6. Do not have them play babysitter for younger kids.
7. Sometimes keep the crazy relatives in the closet until the kids leave.  A bunch of crazies can be overwhelming and frustrating.
8. Listen to them, I mean actually hear what they say.
9. Find out what they actually do and like that way you can take them to do those things and instead of writing a check for their bday, you can actually get them something that took more than a signature to complete.
10. Put them in the position to make friends when they come to visit, for example, one of our single dads has a teen-aged son, and he is awesome.  He always comes to talk to us when he sees us.  Nice kid!

I would think being a noncustodial parent would pretty much suck!  There is no way I would see my kids only 4 days a month.  That is not being a parent.  Kids grow up so fast, before you know it, they will be moving on as they should.  If you want to be part of their lives tomorrow, you have to be part of their lives today................

LOL!

Ahhh, the joys of parenting on social media.....

I saw a post on Facebook the other day that stopped me in my tracks.

An obvious deadbeat dad was having a pity party for himself and trying to get his little friends to stroke his ego and tell him he is correct in his thoughts about the mother/mothers of his children and how wrong they are in their parenting.  Going on and on about how most fathers do not have anything to do with their child after a divorce, claiming that is not him!  No way, he is father of the year in his mind. And how the mother/mothers should be a good example for their child, and that is just not how it has worked out for him.  He even went so far as to say that if he died, there would be a celebration.  He wanted people to weigh in on if this was childish or not and if this was fair to him.  And then he said thanks to his little friends.

Then all you could hear were the violins playing as everyone rallied around him telling him he is such a loving father (this said by people who have most likely never even seen him around his child), and the special bonds between fathers and daughters (the bond is only formed if the father is around).  Hang in there they said, kids form their own opinions and when they are older, they will hate her.  Then another deadbeat dad or two chimed in.  Another comment stated that the kids know the truth and when they get older they will make up their own minds which I interpret to mean from that person is that the child will think their mother has been wrong but when the child is already older and has had to live down what the deadbeat has done over the years, I would not hold my breath if I were the deadbeat dad.  Here is the kicker, the deadbeat actually said he was starting to think he was wrong, and he does not understand why some women are this way with regards to the child.  WOW!  Poor guy, just can't understand it.

First of all, I am sure said deadbeat dad only filled these little friends in on his diluted version of the truth so they are supporting this deadbeat not knowing the full story, just the sugar-coated version he likes to tell.  It is actually the the truth in his mind, he has to believe his version because otherwise, he would not be able to live with himself.

One comment in particular caught my attention, it was something to the effect of you are not a father, you are a dad?  What?  I assume this person is saying there is a difference between being a father and being a dad which I actually agree with 100%!

So what is my point?

Let me tell you.  A father is someone who has donated DNA so that a human life can be created.  A dad is a man who is an active participant in the life of their child.  A dad will nurture and guide, praise and teach, support financially and emotionally.  A dad will take responsibility for his family.  A dad will always have his child's back and do whatever it takes to ensure the well-being of their child.

A dad would never abandon his child.  A dad would never leave his child in exchange for another.  A dad would never look their child directly in the eyes and lie repeatedly over and over again.  A dad would never neglect their child.  A dad would never cause their child financial hardships.  A dad would never guilt trip their child.  A dad would never use their child for their benefit.  And most importantly, a dad would never have to be ordered by a judge in a court room and threaten with jail time to feed his child, never!  A dad would never do any of those things but a father would do all of these despicable acts and more.  Just because you can create a child, does not mean you should, and if you do, stick around and do what is right by that child.  The child did not ask to be here.  That is my two cents worth!  Good luck deadbeat, try to stay out of jail!

This is so true!

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So true

Because it is just so funny.....................

pinterest

My greatest blessings!

Raising kids is not an easy task, especially when you are doing it alone but that might be a blessing in disguise.  I am 100% confident that I am doing everything that I can for my girls and it shows.  I hear it all the time, how my girls are confident, secure, smart, caring, loving, generous, and just great teenagers.  I am grateful for that, nothing else matters.  What is your greatest blessing?

Help for women trying to divorce and co-parent with a self-absorbed, narcissistic, sociopath.

Image belongs to: Your Tango

This is one of the most difficult things a woman can do but hang in there, it will get better.  You have to learn how to not let them push your buttons, document everything, and severe all contact unless it is directly related to the children.  Eventually, asking over and over again when the child support money is coming, when are you going to give them money for clothes and necessities, and such, it gets you no where.  Anyone that does not support their own kids willingly has a problem and is a problem but the courts will take care of that.  You just have to wait for it to happen.  I feel bad for all of you in that situation but look at it this way, your kids see who is doing what and they know who is taking care of them.  They won't forget it either. Feel free to contact me privately.

Abused Sanctuary blog
Paula Renee at Wordpress
The Narcissistic Partner and the Relationship Agenda 
The Huffington Post
The Journey Never Ends Wordpress blog

The truth hurts!

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Crappy Dads website

Image from Crappy Dads.

I recently discovered a website through a friend where you can read all about deadbeat dads and even submit your own story.  I think it is so sad that so many dads check out of their kids lives.  They are never going to get this time back, it is their loss in the end.

Crappy Dads
Here is a video of a sting operation to catch deadbeat parents.  These parents were promised tickets to the Auburn-Alabama game and when they received the tickets, they were then told they were under arrest for not paying child support. They loaded up all the jerks onto a school bus and took them to jail. Brilliant!

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Good to know if you live in Georgia.

In Georgia, a parent has a legal and moral obligation to provide for their child/children no matter what.
Failing to provide child support and/or failing to provide basic necessities is viewed as abandonment in Georgia and is punishable by jail time.  
If you have a child/children in Georgia even if they are illegitimate, you must provide for them, it is the law but it is also your duty as a parent.
What kind of parent would not provide for their own child/children anyway?