Homeschooling during hard times.

So let's face it, life can be difficult at times but when you are a single, full-time working, homeschooling parent giving up is not an option!  Life happens: Illness, divorce, foreclosure, death, and any number of other crises that develop on your path to success.  Believe me, I have gone through all of the above (except death at the moment) and I still land on my feet but it is not easy, it is not easy at all!  There are times that you will want to give up but guess what?  Giving up is NOT an option.  Why? Your kids are watching you and if you shut down, they shut down.  When you are the primary caregiver 99.9% of the time, shutting down is not an option.

Here are a few tips to get through the bumps in the road that life throws at you, and you will get through them, it just might take some time.

~Take and ask for help when you need it.  No shame in that especially in the beginning.
~School:  Keep it simple.  Just go with the basics and have a loose schedule/routine.  Kids are going to learn no matter what.  Kids are also going to learn a lot during trying times and a lot about life.  My kids are night owls so they go to bed late and wake up a little later but that is okay.  That is their natural rhythm plus I need to get up before them and work so it works for us.
~Make time for fun!  Even though you are bearing the majority of the burdens, your children will too so take a break and have some fun!
~Homeschooling can be exhausting even under the best of circumstances and even more so during crises so take some time to rest and take care of yourself.  Sometimes adrenaline will kick in and make you feel as though you have more energy than in fact you have which will ultimately come back to kick your butt later.
~You have to know that with time, the crises you are going through will pass.  I will admit that sometimes going through hard times actually makes you appreciate everything more.  It also makes you recognize how strong you are.  Your kids are strong too!  No matter what life throws your way, your kids are learning a lot more than you think, and they have more respect and admiration for you than you might realize.  Hang in there before you know it, they will be grown up!!!

What is up with the deadbeat dads?

You might be are definitely a deadbeat dad if you quit your job (and neglect to tell your lawyer you did or anyone else that you did so) to avoid paying court-ordered child support and providing health insurance for your children.  I continue to be amazed and shocked by these deadbeat dads who think they can get away with everything.  This piece of garbage below actually claimed he was dead to get out of paying child support.  Seriously?  Freaking dead?  Read the full article here. Deadbeat dad who "died" to get out of paying child support.  Luckily, it did not work, and he was forced to pay $10,000 all at once and still went to jail.  Of course, all he had to do was pay the money when it was due but instead he decided not to and he had his family bail him out and pay up the $10,000.  He deserves to go to jail.

My advice for all you deadbeat dads who think you are so clever and doing what ever it takes to get out of paying child support, you are not fooling anyone and your children are suffering because of you.  Get your act together and do what is right or suffer the consequences.

I wonder what would happen if the moms with custody just up and quit their jobs or claimed they were dead.  Right, they would never do that because the children have to have a dependable, reliable parent to count on.  What a disgrace!  You can run but not forever.

A heartfelt thank you to a certain someone.

I am a firm believer in giving thanks where it is due.  I thank people on my blog all the time, and I would be remiss if I did not take this opportunity, that is long overdue, to give a special thanks to one person in particular that has shaped my life over the years.

Thank you for being a lying, cheating, lousy, worthless, piece of trash, and I mean that sincerely.  You see, if you had not been such a lying, cheating, lousy, worthless, piece of trash, I would not have been able to be the person that am I now.  My only regret is that I did not realize this sooner. You are a master of disguises.

It was because you lied, I learned the truth and how important it is to be truthful.
It was because you cheated, I learned that no one is going to put my feelings aside and potentially jeopardize my health.
It was because you were (are) lousy, I learned how great I actually am and never gave myself credit for.
It was because you were (are) worthless, I learned how valuable I really am.
It was because you are a piece of trash, I learned what a treasure I am.

Your weakness made me strong, your selfishness made me generous, your self-absorbed attitude made me selfless.

It is truly because of you that I now realize just how amazing I am.  I am a better person, a better mother, a better friend than I ever was before.  It appears being unhappy and trapped for almost two decades can really take a toll on a person so thank you so very, very much for forcing me to see YOU and who you really are so when I walked away from you, it was one of the best days ever.  My biggest regret is that I just let you play your game for so long before I shut it down.  The truth is, I really did not care.  Being who you are turned out to be a gift for me.  A gift that was camouflaged so well for so long.  That gift made every decision I made since that time easy, justifiable, and long overdue.  If only you had revealed your true colors sooner but nevertheless, thank you!  Thank you from the bottom of my heart because if you had not been who you are, I would not be the person I am today either.  I would probably still be an unhappy person wondering why I had the misfortune of being stuck with a con artist like you.

When bad things happen, a typical first thought for most is what did I do to deserve this?  You have to rearrange your way of thinking.  You have to think what am I supposed to learn from this.  I really have learned a lot!  A lot of things I did not necessarily want to learn but I guess it was part of the plan to shape me into the person that I am now.

So thank you, thank you, thank you again for being the phony, bankrupt, scamming, charlatan, double life-living fraud that you are.  If you had been raised differently, I might have never found out how great I am.  You really did me a favor because I know what I am worth and what I can accomplish now all thanks to you, and believe me when I say, I AM SO GRATEFUL!  I am also grateful that I got rid of you.  Please do not be upset when you read this (I know you and your little supporters will be-and be sure to send a copy to your lawyer). You know it is all true and this is a fantastic way to put closure to a worn out issue and a worn out person (that would be you).  I honestly can't say thanks for the memories because, well, you know.......................................Oh no, I think I have the makings of a Taylor Swift song.  Taylor if you see this, give me a call, we can work out a deal.

The celebration starts now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Helpful tip #5 for record keeping during divorce.

Always, and I mean always, keep any texts/emails/or any other written communications from your ex.  I do not care how long it takes you to send texts to emails for printing or how long it takes you to get records from your phone company, just keep all written communications.  That way when/if your ex decides to claim visitation times were other than what was agreed upon and arranged, you have proof.  You cannot dispute what is written.  I also do not advise phone calls unless you are going to record every word.

Help for women trying to divorce and co-parent with a self-absorbed, narcissistic, sociopath.

Image belongs to: Your Tango

This is one of the most difficult things a woman can do but hang in there, it will get better.  You have to learn how to not let them push your buttons, document everything, and severe all contact unless it is directly related to the children.  Eventually, asking over and over again when the child support money is coming, when are you going to give them money for clothes and necessities, and such, it gets you no where.  Anyone that does not support their own kids willingly has a problem and is a problem but the courts will take care of that.  You just have to wait for it to happen.  I feel bad for all of you in that situation but look at it this way, your kids see who is doing what and they know who is taking care of them.  They won't forget it either. Feel free to contact me privately.

Abused Sanctuary blog
Paula Renee at Wordpress
The Narcissistic Partner and the Relationship Agenda 
The Huffington Post
The Journey Never Ends Wordpress blog

What is an absent parent?

An absent parent is defined (legally) by the way some parents relate to or fail to relate to their own kids.  These are usually the noncustodial parents.  Visitation parameters are set up to accommodate visitation and communication but for what ever reason, the noncustodial parent just does not stay involved in the kid's life.  They are missing/absent even through they do not have to be.  This is a choice they are making.  To abandon their kids and have nothing to do with them.  Limited-to-no contact, limited-to-no visitation, and you guessed it, no child support payments!  Not paying child support, however, is a different matter.  One simply does not just neglect to pay child support.  Eventually, they will have to hand it over whether it be through jail time, seizing assets, garnishing paychecks, or whatever the court determines to be appropriate.

image from the web

 Did you know that if a parent willfully avoids fulfilling their responsibilities to their kids, the custodial parent has the right to use an investigator to find them and bring them in to answer before the court and discuss making adequate payments?

So an absent parent is basically a parent that chooses to put their own needs ahead of their kids needs and basically just slowly disappear.  That is what usually happens.  In the beginning of the process, all the visitations are had, phone contact every night like clockwork, child support payments come in on time but then you start to notice a tickling down of all of that.  The answers to are you coming for visitation today turns into an excuse, where is the money-you are late, again excuses.  Finally a year or so later, the kids are lucky to get any money at all for support and visits and phone calls pretty much stop.

An absent parent=a horrible, neglectful, parent.  Really you could leave off the word parent since no parenting is happening anyway.

Read more at wiseGEEK 
Absent-parent-syndrome examiner.com

Why can't a dad just pay their kids child support? Why?

Was it something that the child has done to make them not want to provide the very best for their own flesh and blood?  I keep coming across these stories daily, and it really pisses me off to be honest.

 I know a few ladies in this exact same situation, they are still trying to track down one of the deadbeats, the other went to jail amazingly came up with the money he owed and got out of jail.  

Being a parent is the most important job you will ever have.  Voluntarily withholding support from your children month after month after month is not acceptable. You have no right to do that.   If you are a noncustodial parent who has to pay child support, you have to pay it.  Simple to understand.  You don't give them the leftover money that you have after you have paid your bills and bought the things you want, you have to hand over their part first, just the same way that the custodial parent has to, no choice for that parent because the kids live with that parent. It is a sign of a real jacka** that would neglect to provide for their own kids.  Providing for them is not optional.  

You deadbeats just head out to have your own other life and drop all of the responsibilities on to the custodial parent.  This speaks volumes to the integrity of that deadbeat parent.  What if the custodial parent decided they did not want to support the kids and just said the hell with it.  Then what?  

Advice:  When the child support is not paid, FILE CONTEMPT CHARGES AS FAST AS YOU CAN BECAUSE IT TAKES A WHILE FOR THE PAPERS TO GO THROUGH BUT ONCE THEY DO GO THROUGH, LOOK OUT DEADBEAT!  Your life is about to change, drastically!  It serves you right though.  I mean neglecting to pay child support for 4 to 5 months is asking a lot of the custodial parent, a lot!  It is not fair so you get what you deserve in the end.  It is just sad for the kids.  It affects them, to know their parent did not think enough of them to buy them food or clothes or support an activity they might enjoy doing.  This does become their inner dialog, they start to believe they have done something to deserve being treated like crap, but they did nothing, it was just you being a selfish brat.

Here is a story I found from a case of a deadbeat dad that did not pay child support for 2 years.  It appears he moved around a lot but they finally tracked his sorry a** down.  The content of this article was provided by Sioux Falls News.

SIOUX FALLS – The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services says it has arrested a man accused of failing to pay more than $68,000 in child support in South Dakota.

The department says its agents and local officers in Great Falls, Mont., arrested Dennis J. Thomas on Wednesday on an outstanding federal warrant from 2009. Thomas on Thursday was ordered to be transported back to South Dakota by the U.S. Marshals Service.

HHS says that the department’s Sioux Falls investigative team got a lead in early January that Thomas might have been living in Montana and used surveillance to confirm the tip.

According to the court papers, Thomas is accused of failing to pay from January 2007 until the indictment in December 2009.

Attorney information for Thomas was not immediately available.

More Sioux Falls News

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Filed Under: Child Support, Crime of the Week, Sioux Falls Category: Local News

Read More: Arrest Made in Child Support Case | http://ksoo.com/arrest-made-in-child-support-case/?trackback=tsmclip